apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
