i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
