I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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