Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize