Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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