someone threw a dead crab at me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
