His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Houston, we have a blender
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
