I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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