i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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