i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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