The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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