Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
