we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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