I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
