Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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