So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize