not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
