no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
