New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
