it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
