Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
