we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
