We're like a lot better than the average bears
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
