Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
