I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
