He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
