I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
