God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
the liver wants what the liver wants
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
