I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
