you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize