she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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