Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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