My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
