i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
