I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize