No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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