You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
