woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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