you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
