So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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