I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
