in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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