party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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