he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
