I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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