First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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