I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
