I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
