he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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