i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
