i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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