Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
