Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
