she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
