Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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