"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
