the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
