dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
