I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize