I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
