i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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