fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
