we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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