well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Do vagina's smell?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
