So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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