Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
