my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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