ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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