have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
