i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
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