I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
