and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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