No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
