I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
