Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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