You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
