oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
