You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
