it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
