Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
