Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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