Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
