So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
