You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Someone shit on the floor
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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