if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize