none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
