All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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