Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
