It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize