We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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