I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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