"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
