Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
