I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
