just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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