Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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