New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
