I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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