Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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