It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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