i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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