I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize