i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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