yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
