No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
