I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
