Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Im part way to drunk.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
