His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize