Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
