Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
