You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
