if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
