I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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