Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
