fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
