im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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