You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
