i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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